I AM BAD BUT NOT HYDERA"BAD"

"Hey Anil Supplementary results r out.wake up.do check it n lemme know.all d best baby.
luv
Gagana"
Woke up at once looking at the BOMB in my inbox.I gave a quick glance at my wall clock that struck sharp 7.Then i noticed,i slept for just 3 hours.I dashed to the restroom to brush and rushed to the nearest internet cafe.I can hardly hear Amma yelling at me about the yummy "poha" she prepared for the breakfast.Dad is busy reading the newspaper outside sitting on his age old yellow scooter,sipping his coffee and is about to leave for work.We both exchanged an unpleasentary look.He watching me walking swiftly so early in the morning asked "Where???".He wants a kilogram long answer for his micro milligram question."Nothing" i replied and walked even more fast before he says anything.I cursed at myself for having seen dad's face at this crucial point.But i found today is 27 aug.2+7=9,thats a lucky number for me so i guess i would pull it off this time.
Crucial point i say because if i dont clear the subject "Network Theory" this time i will be detained to attend my college for an year and have to sit at home staring at dad's face all day,which is worst than hell and i lose all the trust and hope i build in Gagana's heart.The latter is even more horrifying to think.Last night we had a long 5 hour talk on phone promising her that i will be through this time,finish my engineering on time,get a fat salary,ask her dad,marry her in rich hindu style,babies blah blah blah.So am pretty much nervous now.My thoughts are too buzy to reply Gagana's messages since my phone is running low on battery and replied her finlly "@internet cafe.jus wait".
My friend Suri came out of a cabin."what happened?" i asked."all gone.gotta sketch something before my parents find it."he said.I am sure my blood pressure is on an all time high now while typing my no. i typed 04e01a0502...it bufferred,bufferred n bufferred...then the screen displayed

NAME SUBJECT EXAM INTERNAL TOTAL RESULT
Anil krishna network theory 34 2 36 FAIL

I froze.My heart broken.There is nothing i can do now.I feel like a loser now...no am a LOSER.various questions in mind.how to face Gagana now?what to tell dad?what would my friends and neighbours think of me?Do i need to study with my juniors?
My fingers dialled Gagana's number.she said "Hullo" in a curious tone..."Hey baby i donno how to tell, i screwed up again.am really sorry".She hung up the call.I dialled her no. again this time she cut my cal.I am expecting this anyway what i didnt expect was a text message from her saying...
"Trusting you is the worst thing in life.I will never ever talk to u.Its all over".Tears started rolling out of my eyes...i started crying now in the cabin.I never cried when dad beat me with his belt,never cried when i failed,never cried when seniors ragged me,never cried when i had a fight with friends but crying now when a gal rejected me...My heart refused to accept this failure.
With a lump in heart paid my bill...I have around 200 bucks in my vallet with little change.I know i cannot go home now and brave enough to face the consequences.I can neither bluff my parents like Suri.Leading my life without Gagana is almost next to impossible.Man i hate my FUCKING life.Then i made up my mind to give up my life...Yes i end this fucking life...27 aug 2007 is my last day on the earth.
The idea of ending my life excited me so much.So i started walking to a departmental store for a BAYGON spray.There i found the yummy bakery biscuits.I took them with a bottle of coke and DIARYMILK as my last snack to munch with poison.The total bill costed me for rs.46,where my poison itself is rs25.I started wondering why should i waste my last money for killing i can instead go to a nearest pond,which dont cost me anything. This sounded so good.I purchased all the stuff except poison and started planning my BUCKET LIST.
-A beer
-A movie
-My favourite food.
Wowwww.To assign the first task I decided to go to my favourite bar DERBY.I called for an auto but my fucking middle class mind diverted me to take the bus for having a free pass.I thought of calling Gagana once but i want to prove her a point so dropped the idea.so whom should i call???Amma...no i might drop my plan.no way dad.friend???nah not interested.anyways my battery is almost dead.so no incoming and no outgoing.Life is pretty happy without a cell phone.sorry death infact.
At the bus stop an old man with bald head,specs of his belly size introduced himself to me "hi am Nageswara rao from sattupalli.khammama district",fuck this old man why is he telling this to me and now am supposed to give him mine.I stayed calm and reluctant to answer.He asked "what is your name babu" "Anil" i replied."what do you do"."going to die"said to myself but said am a student.He then went on telling me about his work,family,purpose of his visit to hyderabad blah blah blah.I feel pity for myself that i cant die happily meeting these old men.He then said I resemble his son especially my hairstyle.I gave him a soft expression with a gentle smile.He then opened his bag and gave me the wedding invitation of his daughter.I took it.Then came the bus 113e .We both boarded the bus.He asked me where do i get down "Fever hospital"i said."i gotta go to vidyanagar,invite few friends for the wedding then take my bus in the evening from kothi."Why on earth is he telling me his schedule please shut up i wanted say.luckily my stop came.I waved gudbye to him.He said take care.I thanked him and got down.
I ordered a strong KINGFISHER with a bag of chips.The last beer tasted yummy.The tv infront playing all my favourite songs and am enjoying it.Am glad i fullfilled the first one on wish list.Now the second one,i took a bus to PRASADS luckily there is one to disturb me this time.Took a ticket for CHAKDE INDIA.While watching the movie i was thinking who would cry for my death...DAD???MOM???GAGANA???FRIENDS???ANY NEW ONES.Now i can see people watch cry after death from top and understand who really cares.Then i thought will they really cry??? I somehow could not watch the movie completely because of the mental imbalance.I walked out of the theatre amidst the movie but happy that i checked the second one successfully...
Now the next one is to have my favourite food.How about BAWARCHI BIRYANI???I checked my vallet and cursed myself.I kept walking around the TANK BUND and checking for the ideal spot for my suicide.I found the water and the place is not an ideal one for death instead i might become handicapped.How???what if i get hit by a bus...ok let me find an apt place to feed my belly first...Yeah a chat would do.I took a bus again from NTR gardens bus stop to kothi.This is the place Gagana and me hang out the most.
I ordered a plate of PAV BHAJI and PANIPURI each.Just when i started taking a bite i felt someone slapping me from behind.I turned around and its the same fucking oldman.God whats my sin???He is quite surprised to find me here and went on explaining about his trip.The only good thing this man has done to me is to pay my bill.Now i thank god for reminding me of his son.I left the place as soon as i had my food.I opened the vallet,it has around 40 bucks.Now i decided i can have another beer before i bid farewell to the world.I glanced at the pics of mom,dad and Gagana in my vallet,took the money and my bus pass and threw the purse and phone in the air after boarding the bus to DERBY.Bus pass is the best thing for students in HYDERABAD.I LOVE HYDERABAD.
I reached derby and ordered my regular beer.The BAR tender started screaming suddenly.Am shocked for his unexpected scream and asked another customer whats going on???He said a BOMB BLAST took place in LUMBINI PARK and GOKUL CHAT.I became motionless.These are the places i visited few hours back.TV channels are filled with the BREAKING NEWS.Yes its breaking indeed.The tv infront now started playing the trageody. Man the same old man.His bag in the TV.I dont believe this.What happened to him???Looks like he is dead.Its unapologetic.I started wondering where is mom,dad and Gagana.Hope they are all safe.I became cold.Tears flowing like waves from eyes.Then the bar staff asked everyone to evacuate and i am now not allowed to call home for my parents whereabouts.I now took the bus of lifetime to reach home after a lot of drama. I now started to feel the pain of losing the loved ones.How stupid i was to think of killing myself.I would have pushed all my loved ones to the zone of grief forever.My career,Love and everything would have been settled in an year if i start working now properly instead i chose a very bad path.Now my tears have a genuine feeling.This old man who came into my life as a messiah to save my parents is no more.Am really sorry for not understanding u MR.Nageswara rao.
I got down of the bus and started running home.I heard Suri calling me on the way.He suddenly asked me "U still alive???"."What do u mean" i said."The TV channels scrolled your name in the BOMBBLAST showing your college identity card.So everyone is worried at home.Even Gagana is also at your home".
I rushed home immediately.Everyone is pleasantly surprised and absolutely extatic to see me back.I fabricated a story telling them someone stole my purse and phone in the bus.My mom is very much pleased with my story and went into the kitchen to make my favourite GAZAR HALWA.Gagana showed a sigh of relief and happily went home.Dad came to me and slapped me hard.Now i see both of us having tears.What a slap.

I went into the kitchen.My mom said "Thank god U r back.""yes amma AM BACK"said to myself.I took a phone and called Gagana.Even she is quite happy to see me back.She then got a doubt in the story"If your purse and phone are stolen.How did you come in a bus???"
I now feel gals are better in finding the culprits of the BOMBBLAST...They have this uncanny knack of finding anything under the sun.

ANURAAG